Monday’s Musings

Welcome back to another week in the cubicle. You’ll find the stapler to the right and the pens to the left. Sit there quietly and try to look productive. The paycheck should lessen the pain, eventually. 

So I’m not the biggest fan of working in a cubicle. It’s a small office with only 4 cubicles, 2 of which are usually empty. I typically have 2-3 appointments, up to 5 on the busiest of days. So the rest of my time is spent trying to figure out what to do next. Lots of youtube and blogging. 

I danced in Louisville Saturday night and visited some friends on Sunday. The Saturday dance became Sauna Contra because the AC was out in the dance hall. We sweat like crazy anyway, so I wasn’t bothered too much. Danced most of the night in sandals or barefoot, which I’m enjoying quite a bit these days. 

No one commented on my blog about what kind of topics would be preferred (Here, in case you want to visit.) so I guess I’ll move forward with the topics listed until I hear from someone. 

Today I’m wondering how to balance all the expectations that come crashing down on me at once. Being a good person, a good employee, a good citizen, responsible, adventurous, gentle, wild, comforting, challenging, and so many more. It seems like everyone you meet has something they expect you to be. What happens when those are conflicting? How do you balance or choose which one to fulfill first or primarily?

I sometimes play out a situation of ‘what-if’ in my head. What if I jump ship and decide to live totally irresponsible? What if I never make another wild decision? What if I let everyone down? What if I have to keep walking alone? So many questions without real answers. 

That’s all for today. Not super exciting, but I’m not sure anyone cares to read anyway. 

See you out there! 

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Packing Home

Yesterday’s blog prompt asked what you might bring if you only had limited space but were leaving for a year long adventure. (An Ounce of Home). 

I really struggled with this idea. Everything I thought of had unexpected leftovers attached. Is any one item ever “just home” or do they all have a string of secondary memories attached to them? Here are some things I evaluated:

~I have a blue blanket that I throw in my bag whenever I’m headed out for the weekend. I’ve had it for 7 years. It’s just the right size, weight, softness to allow for some comfort. I like having my own blanket because I know I’ll have what I like. In my tent I use it when I don’t want to be all the way covered by my sleeping bag. Sometimes it makes a great pillow. Sleeping on someone’s couch requires nothing more than this simple blanket. All in all, it works out pretty well to have it around. BUT… I got it just before my failed marriage began. It was a wedding present. It became a source of comfort throughout the struggling marriage and after. It has soaked up numberless tears and heard many, many screams. While I love this wearing thin blanket, it has too much history. A new adventure would require less history. I have also come to feel that bringing my own blanket and pillow to another person’s house may be questioning their hospitality. Am I suggesting that they might not be able to provide for my comfort needs? I would hate to bring that kind of assumption with me. 

~A family photo? I could definitely pack a wallet size or bigger photo of my family. I enjoy telling people about my crazy family and the eclectic bunch we are. It would be small, flat and lightweight. Sounds like something lovely to pack. BUT… Does this picture bring too many questions? Would I constantly be answering all of the Who, What and Where parts of coming from such a crazy bunch? Is this a problem? What if something happened to the picture? Would I be upset if I forgot it somewhere? I also realized that I haven’t even put a picture like this in my cubicle. I’ve been here for 8 months and don’t have a picture in sight. Doesn’t seem like a picture holds the value for me that others have. 

~A Bible. Sure, this would be a lovely travel companion. I love to study the Word, read it, digest it. I’m sure it would bring me comfort on a long trip. BUT… A Bible would be a personal belonging, I don’t necessarily associate it with home. I don’t have just one specific Bible that is sacred and important to me. I am fairly certain I could find one along the way if I felt the need. I also have apps on my phone, computer and tablet to fill this need. 

~I don’t have any special trinkets from home. There are plenty of things my mom keeps around that I would love to see. But none that I want to carry with me. 

~I appreciated this guy’s idea. (http://fazalabbaswarraich.wordpress.com/2014/06/19/an-ounce-of-home/) My grandfather had a clock that always makes me think of him. Small table clock that folds up into itself. That might be nice. But why do I need to feel constrained by time? I was always a watch wearer. In high school and the start of school I was a nervous wreck about being everywhere on time. If I didn’t have a watch on my left wrist, I would be lost all day! But midway through my freshman year I was challenged with my need for promptness. I realized that I had been missing out on the opportunities for compassion, community and care that I valued so highly. I would pass by a friend in need so that I could be on time (or early) to whatever it was I thought I needed to be at next. Not putting on a watch was hard at first. But I was rewarded in so many ways. I had honest, intimate encounters on a regular basis that I might have missed otherwise. Friendships blossomed and I felt so much freedom. I still value being on time, but there is always a clock to find. Between wall clocks, computer clocks, cell phones, etc. why do I need to have one pasted to my wrist. I broke the shackle of time constraint over a decade ago and I’m happy not to look back. 

~A favorite water bottle. Lots of people have one of these. If you know me at all, you know that I am a bit of a snob about having my glass water bottles with me. I would probably bring at least one, but I consider this a personal item rather than something to remind me of home. BUT… I’m not sure I care to have one. Part of the adventure might be finding new water bottles, or trusting that clean water will be available when necessary. 

 

I guess the problem here comes down to what part of home I want to be reminded of. I am struggling with the definition of “home”. Is it the house where my parents and siblings live? Is it my parents and siblings themselves? Is it where I find my identity and self? 

Maybe I am just not sentimental enough for this question. I hold what I want to hold deep within my heart and mind. The people I have loved, the places I long for, the experiences I’ve had. I don’t take many pictures and I don’t like looking at ones I have taken. The parts of me that are worth remembering don’t need a physical reminder. They are deep within me.

No need to be reminded of home when I’m living in it no matter where I roam. 

See you out there!

What shall we blog?

I would like to blog every day, but I’m not sure what these blogs should contain. Would you all prefer to read random thoughts, some kind of schedule, quotes and reactions, ???

Here’s where I think I’m starting:

Monday: Musings

Tuesday: Tradition breakdown

Wednesday: Dance Topics

Thursday: Theology

Friday: Fun Stuff

How does that sound? I feel like I need some routine or schedule to keep me going in this. Let me know what you think. I’m open to any topics, so tell me what you’d like me to blog about.

See you out there!

An Ounce of Home

Today’s Daily Prompt: An Ounce of Home. You’re embarking on a yearlong round-the-world adventure, and can take only one small object with you to remind you of home. What do you bring along for the trip?

I thought this one would be easy. But I’m running the options around in my head and can’t come up with anything that seems satisfactory. When packing to be away from home, with limited space, how can you choose an item that will do justice to home without causing a burden? Any suggestions? Comments? Ideas?

Am I going to Heaven?

“Ultimately, this promise of certainty, of faith without doubt, is dangerous to genuine belief.”

A blog about uncertainty in faith?!?! So glad other people are willing to question openly.

” As long as a seed is planted, it doesn’t matter, right? But I’m concerned about what will grow from a seed like this. When you sow a gospel so watered down and reductionistic, it doesn’t tend to grow up into healthy spirituality.
I’ve watched over and over as people who signed up for Christianity because of the promise of Heaven grew disillusioned by the unfulfilled guarantees of certainty, weary under the weight of the religious bait-and-switch, and left the faith altogether. Tell me, then, was this little seed better than none at all? There’s a better Gospel. I’m sure of it. It speaks of reconciliation to God, Heaven coming to earth, life without end beginning now.”

http://redemptionpictures.com/2014/06/18/im-not-going-to-heaven/

The Conversation

“What is ‘the Conversation?’  It is what found me.  It is the marriage between the moving word and the waiting silence.  It is waking into the silent emptiness before dawn, and feeling a question form within you that only Reason can answer.  It is listening for the soft sounds of the woods, and the murmur of the spirit over the waters.  It is forever the first morning, again and again.” – Diana Lorence, The Innermost House

Diana and her husband lived for 7 years in a Thoreauvian style tiny house in the woods. She explored her inner self while exploring the nature that surrounded her. What an amazing journey! I’m certain that I would go insane in a situation like that, but I sure would take a weekend of it. Maybe that’s what I like so much about camping. 

Her words speak to the deepest parts of me. http://www.innermosthouse.com/#/words-from-the-woods/the-conversation