It’s Monday again. Don’t go overboard with the joy.
Had a great weekend travelling and dancing. Got my hairs all chopped off on Thursday evening.
The haircut has been an interesting transition. I’ve been wanting a change for a while and the 13 inches I cut off in late winter just weren’t cutting it! (pun intended…) I finally made the decision to just take the plunge and give short hair a shot. I was super nervous about how it would look and if I was making a huge mistake, but ultimately I decided to go for it.
I had all kinds of encouragement from Facebook friends and supporters who reminded me that it’s just hair. Hair grows and changes all the time. Hair is a great place to experiment because you can just make a different choice next time.
I grew up in a family and culture where long hair on women was expected and praised. We had no restrictions about cutting hair, but just a mild cultural context saying that keeping it long was more appropriate. Men all around me make comments about how attractive long hair is to them. All of these societal norms weigh heavy on my decision making abilities. There is also the fashion idea that longer hair is better for bigger ladies because it takes away from the roundness of your face and body.
To top off all of this pressure, I’ve always kind of relied on my hair to be my distinctive feature. Long, crazy, curly hair seemed to fit my personality. Unpredictable hair for an unpredictable girl, right?
As I explore more and more of the ideas I have always held dear, my hair became a focus. I have typically not wanted to rock the boat, preferring to stick to more classic styles and behaviors. But recently I have wanted to make huge waves that pull out every bit of stale thinking. I want to at least look at everything so that I can make decisions as to what to keep and what to lose. I believe in living an examined life, so I better be examining.
So current responses to my haircut have been positive for the most part. Mom was a little freaked out by it, but resigned to “if you like it” status fairly quickly. But then I realized that almost no one is going to be harsh and bold enough to make a negative comment about a change this big, especially any one who has known me and my hair for very long.
I’ve gotten quite a few comments about it being “cute” or “sassy” as well as a few people saying that this is “really you.” I’m not at all sure how to take the “really you” comments. I appreciate the support of those who understand my desire to “find myself” in this process. I’m just not sure how well hair can define me. I always felt like the long hair did this, but am somehow not comfortable with the short hair defining me. There are some fairly deep seated concepts about short hair hanging around in the back of my mind, and I’m afraid to really work through them right now.
“Cute” is an interesting one. I was very worried about a haircut like this making me either too young or too old looking. Cute tends to make me feel like I look too young. But, realistically, why should hair define age? I’ve always admired my great aunt Pearl who had a fully white and grey pony tail and braid when I was young. I remember as I grew up thinking about how much I wanted to be like her and love my grey hair. I can assure you, I don’t love my grey, which has begun to make appearances WAY too early, in my opinion.
I have enjoyed using headbands and flowers to style my short hair. Again, my concern is looking too young. Obviously, kind people are unlikely to point these kinds of things out, but so far no terrible comments. One friend said that the white flower I had pinned to the side, holding back my bangs, was “me” in just the right way. I think I could really work with being the girl with the flower in her hair. It seems so carefree and whimsical, definitely things I could handle being classified as.
The “sassy” comment is the one plaguing me most. I’ve used it to describe my new ‘do myself, so I am to blame for in this regard. It seems sassy. It feels sassy. I just don’t know if sassy is something I want to exude. Again, I think my upbringing is lending a hand in this mindset. I was raised holding to the concept of a “gentle and quiet spirit” being the ideal for a woman. “Meek and mild” are other words I’ve been told were to describe a good woman. These have always been a challenge for me. I’ll dive into this topic in the future.
All this to say, I’m still not sure how I feel about my hair. I enjoy the change. I enjoy having less hair. I have to think about styling it a bit more than before, but I think this will be good. I can’t put it in a ponytail, so I won’t be defaulting to what was ultimately not a flattering style. I do feel like it has been a positive change, I’m just not sure of all the changes yet.
Guess that’s all for today’s musings.
See you out there!